Jan 16, 2011

Baby news....

So, I just found a stack of Christmas cards that somehow did not get sent, so if you didn't receive a Chrismtas card from me, just assume that yours is in this stack that I'm too embarrassed to send out this late, and feel the love.   We sent our Christmas wishes and announced the exciting news that I'm expecting and due this June.  We should find out in a few weeks what we are having, so stay tuned!

I have not been good at journaling at all this pregnancy, so I'm going to take a few minutes to journal about this pregnancy.  I'm not posting this for sympathy, just for record-keeping purposes (and to remind me to NEVER do this again.....kidding!).  I'm not going to lie, it's been super tough.  I thought I had it bad with Sienna and thought THAT was what I was signing up for, and this has just been so much worse.  I've had constant 24-hr/day nausea (and occasional vomiting) from the minute I wake up  until the minute I close my eyes at night. With Sienna I felt pretty good in the morning and the nausea didn't really kick in until around 11ish, so I at least had some relief.  I definitely wasn't prepared for this.  The nausea started even earlier this time--around week 4-5.  I'm now almost 17 weeks and still feeling really awful.  I've tried just about everything to get relief--preggy pops, ginger chews, vit b6 and unisom, zophran, phenergan, gingerale, sprite, even acupuncture.  I really haven't found anything that seems to help--oh, other than Diet Coke.  Pretty funny, since I haven't had soda in about 13 years.  My Diet Coke addict friends are loving the fact that I always seem to have a diet coke in hand.  It doesn't seem to do a whole lot, but it does a little something.

Needless to say, I've been just counting down the days until I should be feeling better.  With Sienna nausea ended around week 18, which is just around the corner.  When I was pregnant with Sienna after the morning sickness ended I had about a week of feeling great, and I remember going running on the beach and just loving life, then at week 19 I started getting these horrible stabbling/ligament pains when I walked.  They lasted until I delivered.  I remember my MD that it was just how I carry and she told me that they would started earlier and be more painful with each pregnancy, and wouldn't you know it--they showed up last week (week 15ish).  So, it's definitely been a double-whammy, having the morning-noon-and-night sickness and the ligament pains.  Let's just say that I have sucked at life for the last 3 months....and just ask Dan, it's been a LONG 3 months--for all of us.  

I'm just not good at this pregnancy thing.  And I am definitely not one of those who suffers in silence or who does this gracefully.  I'm sorry for those of who who have had to be around my miserable self the last few months.  I really have felt like I am just barely surviving.  It's hard to feel like you are just doing the bare minimum in every aspect of your life.  I just feel like I'm a horrible mom, wife, friend, employee....the list could go on and on. I'm so grateful to live in a time where I have Mickey Mouse and Dora to help raise my child.  And I'm grateful that she's young enough to not remember what  waste of a mom I was for these few months.

I have so much admiration for women, for mothers, especially for those who struggle through trial after trial during their pregancies.  Pregnancy is just not for wusses.  I keep saying that this kid better be cute (therefore being worth the trouble)!  And then I get scared that maybe Sienna got all the cute genes.

I know that this is all temporary, and that it's worth it, and that I have so much to be grateful for.  But, that doesn't mean I have to like every bit of it, though, does it?  I am grateful for this new adventure and excited for what the future holds.  Can't wait to meet this little one.  I have a feeling he/she is a strong, feisty little one who is just showing me early on who is boss! :)

9 comments:

MaryClaire said...

Yay! That's so exciting!

I'm so sorry that you've been so miserable. Stop with the guilt part right now, ok. I'm not very good at being pregnant either...my pregnancy with Dylan was by far the hardest, and my whole family suffered because of it, but we made it through, and there are no lasting effects from Parker and Natalie being raised by the Wiggles and Curious George. And, Dylan has been and still is the most amazing baby ever. I often say that if I'd only known what a great baby he was going to be, it would have made it so much easier to get through his pregnancy. So, just keep thinking about a perfect little angel baby that will make it all worth it in the end. Hang in there and Congratulations!

deb said...

Oh, Holly. First, CONGRATULATIONS, again!! There will be another adorable Dixon child at the end of this miserable road. Second, I'm so sorry it's so tough! I remember wondering if I would EVER feel even close to normal again after pregnancy. You will. And third, I can see why you'd think Sienna got all the cute genes (because she's so dang cute!), but I have a feeling there are plenty more for this one. I'm with you-- can't wait for this pregnancy to be over and this new life to begin! Love.

Nicky Smith said...

Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Secondly, I'm sorry to say this but your post made me chuckle. I think it was the way you described your experiences. :) I know all about rough pregnancy so I totally empathize. I'm sure this little baby will be adorable. I want to come visit you sometime, by the way!!!

Suburban Heretic said...

Cory and I can't have any more kids because he says our marriage wouldn't last another pregnancy ;) So I feel your pain. I become a crazy beeotch when I'm pregnant! I'm happy for you though!

Annika said...

Oh Holly, honestly I want to cry for you! You have every right to hate every moment of feeling like crap!!! That is just plain miserable and not fair. I am so sorry that it is so rough, but you are right. Sienna is adorable and this babe will be too! I guess the best thing I can do is wish that it goes by really quickly right? XO's Annika

Sara McArthur said...

Congratulations! I am so happy for you! I loved this post so much, because your honesty was so relieving. I to felt like such a dead beat while pregnant and had a lot of trouble combatting the guilt that came from just trying to survive! Its so nice to hear I am not the only person who sucks at being pregnant too. Not that I am glad you are sick, because its the absolute worst, but venting about it and feeling the support from others who understand how hard it can be and how out of balance your life can feel hopefully will help you feel less alone. Excited to hear more about your pregnancy and wishing you the best!

Mandy said...

Congrats Holly! I hope you start feeling better soon. NOTHING is worse than pregnancy nausea! Get well thoughts are coming your way! :)

Sara Mortensen said...

You can do it Holly just hang in there! I feel your pain. My only advice would be to make sure you have an OB who will induce at 40 weeks.

Baak Talk said...

Congratulations Holly!! I didn't know you were pregnant! I definately do NOT think we have to learn to love pregnancy... it was a curse for Eve to have to bear children this way, just like Adam had to sweat for the earth to bring forth fruit. Usually the lessons we learn best are not the ones that are enjoyable when we are passing through them. At least this time you know it's worth it in the end! Sending well wishes your way! xxoo